Beyond the Binary: Understanding Compulsory Heterosexuality and Internalized Homophobia

LET'S TALK ABOUT COMP-HET AND IHP

Compulsory Heterosexuality (COMP-HET)
The phrase "compulsory heterosexuality" originally referred to the assumption by a male-dominated society that the only normal sexual relationship is between a man and a woman. Coined and explored in feminist theory, most notably by Adrienne Rich, this concept challenges the notion that heterosexuality is natural or inevitable.

Under this theory, society enforces heterosexuality, branding as deviant any noncompliance. This enforcement is not just external — through media, family, religion, and education — but becomes internalized by individuals as they grow up. Therefore, the so-called normalcy of heterosexuality and any defiance against it both are political acts. The result? Many queer individuals, especially women and gender-diverse people, find themselves in heterosexual relationships not out of authentic desire but out of expectation, obligation, or survival.

The pressure to conform to heterosexual norms can obscure one’s ability to fully recognize or accept their queerness. People may spend years — sometimes decades — denying or misunderstanding their same-sex attractions. This is where internalized homophobia (IHP) often begins to take root.

Internalized Homophobia (IHP)
The American Psychological Association defines homophobia as “dread or fear of gay men and lesbians, associated with prejudice and anger toward them, that leads to discrimination in such areas as employment, housing, and legal rights and sometimes to violence.” Using this description, “internalized homophobia” might seem contradictory — but in reality, it’s a painful reflection of how deep societal prejudice can go.

According to Meyer & Dean (1998), internalized homophobia represents “the gay person’s direction of negative social attitudes toward the self.” In its extreme forms, it can lead to the rejection of one’s sexual orientation altogether. Herek (2004) further characterizes internalized homophobia as an intrapsychic conflict — a battle between same-sex desire and the perceived need to be heterosexual in order to be accepted, safe, or "normal."

This inner conflict is often a direct result of comp-het. When society teaches people from a young age that heterosexuality is the only valid path, any deviation from that path can feel like failure, shame, or fear. As a result, many queer people find themselves internalizing negative beliefs about their identities, even when they are not openly discriminated against. This internal tension can affect mental health, self-esteem, relationship quality, and overall well-being.

Why This Conversation Matters
Understanding compulsory heterosexuality and internalized homophobia isn’t just about theory — it’s about the lived experience of countless LGBTQ+ individuals who navigate a world that still treats straightness as the default. Comp-het shapes how people view desire, relationships, and even their own worth. IHP, in turn, reinforces silence, denial, and self-rejection.

But by naming these forces, we begin to break their hold. Recognizing comp-het can help individuals question the relationships and roles they’ve been conditioned to accept. Confronting internalized homophobia creates space for healing and self-acceptance. Together, these concepts offer a powerful framework for understanding the unique challenges queer people face — and the strength it takes to live authentically.

To be queer in a world that tried to teach you not to be is an act of courage. Talking about comp-het and internalized homophobia is the first step toward reclaiming that courage — and fostering a society where authenticity is celebrated, not suppressed.

🌈 Call to Action

If you’ve ever questioned your identity, felt pressure to conform, or struggled with self-acceptance — know that you’re not alone. Comp-het and internalized homophobia thrive in silence, but they lose power when we speak out, learn, and support one another.

Let’s keep the conversation going.
💬 Talk about these concepts with your community.
📚 Educate yourself and others through books, podcasts, or therapy.
🤝 Create safer spaces for people to explore their identities without shame or fear.
📣 Advocate for inclusive education, policies, and mental health support.

Whether you're queer, questioning, or an ally — your voice matters. Let’s build a world where love, identity, and truth are not just accepted, but honored.

References

• American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Homophobia and its impact on mental health. APA.org.
  Retrieved from: https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/homophobia

• Herek, G. M. (2004). Beyond “Homophobia”: Thinking about sexual prejudice and stigma in the twenty-first century. Sexuality Research & Social Policy, 1(2), 6–24.
  https://doi.org/10.1525/srsp.2004.1.2.6

• Meyer, I. H., & Dean, L. (1998). Internalized homophobia, intimacy, and sexual behavior among gay and bisexual men. In Herek, G. (Ed.), Stigma and Sexual Orientation: Understanding Prejudice against Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals (pp. 160–186). Sage Publications.

• Frost, D. M., & Meyer, I. H. (2009). Internalized homophobia and relationship quality among lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 56(1), 97–109.
  https://doi.org/10.1037/a0012844

• Rich, A. (1980). Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence. Signs, 5(4), 631–660.
  https://doi.org/10.1086/493756

• WithTherapy. (n.d.). What is internalized homophobia?
  Retrieved from: https://withtherapy.com/therapist-insights/what-is-internalized-homophobia

• Pew Research Center. (2013, June 13). The Coming Out Experience. Social & Demographic Trends.
  Retrieved from: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/06/13/chapter-3-the-coming-out-experience/