Life Beyond the Competition: What Adler Taught Me About Self-Worth

Life Beyond the Competition: What Adler Taught Me About Self-Worth

There was a time I couldn’t help but compare myself to others — in school, at work, even in how quickly I achieved certain milestones. Like many of us, I fell into the quiet belief that life was some kind of race, and if I wasn’t ahead, then I must be behind. But reading The Courage to Be Disliked — which unpacks the psychology of Alfred Adler through a dialogue between a philosopher and a youth — shifted that narrative for me.

One of the book’s most profound messages is simple yet radical:

"Life is not a competition."

This struck me hard, especially in a world where we're taught to keep score — grades, likes, salaries, timelines. Adler challenges all of that.

🌀 The Problem with the Pursuit of Superiority

Adler believed all people have an innate desire to feel significant. He called it the pursuit of superiority — not superiority over others, but a striving to improve oneself.

Yet, as the Philosopher warns in the book:

“The pursuit of superiority does not mean the desire to triumph over other people, but the desire to improve oneself. When one is entrapped by the idea of beating others, that is not true superiority.”

The issue begins when our striving becomes horizontal — comparing ourselves side-by-side with others. We enter an invisible contest. We chase the illusion that our worth must be greater than someone else’s. This, Adler argues, is the root of inferiority complexes, envy, and anxiety.

The Youth in the book confesses:

“But I do compare myself with others. And when I lose, I get frustrated. I can’t help it.”

The Philosopher replies:

“You are the only one who is worried about how you rank among others. That is your own value judgment.”

This blew my mind. So much of my inner pressure — to perform, to be productive, to achieve "on time" — wasn’t from society, but from how I interpreted my role in it.

💬 “You Are Not in Competition with Anyone”

This is perhaps one of the most freeing Adlerian ideas:

“There is no need to compare yourself with anyone else. And there is no need to compete. You are you.”

In a society that idolizes success and hustle, this feels like rebellion. But Adler doesn't advocate for passivity. Rather, he encourages growth — just not one fueled by fear or comparison.

The Philosopher emphasizes:

“The goal of interpersonal relationships is not competition but cooperation. If you are building horizontal relationships, there is no need to compete.”

So instead of asking:

• “Am I doing better than them?”
  We ask:
• “Am I contributing meaningfully?”
• “Am I living in alignment with what matters to me?”

🌱 Reframing Self-Worth

The Philosopher explains Adler’s definition of self-worth this way:

“People are not driven by past traumas or objective facts, but by the meaning they assign to them. If you interpret your life as a series of losses in a competition, then of course you’ll feel inferior.”

But if we change the lens, we change the story.

He adds:

“One must not seek recognition. One must simply advance in the direction one believes to be right.”

It’s not about being first. It’s about being true to your task, your path, your values. The only real measure of growth is: Am I better than I was yesterday? Not better than you. Not better than them. Just better than before.

🌼 Final Thoughts: You Are Not Behind

Reading The Courage to Be Disliked made me realize how much of my life I spent running a race no one asked me to join. I believed I was falling behind, when in truth, there was no finish line, and no one was keeping score but me.

So if you feel stuck in comparison…
If you feel “late” in life or “not enough” in your work…
Remember Adler’s wisdom:

“You are not the protagonist in someone else's story. You are the protagonist in your own.”

We are each on our own road, our own timeline. We don’t need to outpace anyone — just become someone who is steadily moving forward, with courage, honesty, and care.

Because life is not a competition.
It’s a chance to connect, to grow, and to give.

And that is enough.